Pervertables

I have been asked to write a sex-toy review column for a new magazine coming out in early 2006 called Double G. I wanted to kick it off by asking people:

What is your favorite masturbation toy?

Or, in other words,

What is your self-loving standby?

Here is one of my favorite responses:

I'm a cavewoman in some ways - I still like to spend time in my cave, playing with primitive tools. :)

I like non-battery-operated dildoes, including "pervertibles" - household objects that can be used for pleasure. These include long-necked bottles, hairbrush handles and perfume bottles with interesting shapes.

Markers (with caps on) and some candles can be used without lube for anal sex.

The tails of toy animals covered in acrylic fur are good for petting a pussy! However, the stuffing is not always washable.

I first discovered these things as a teenager, when I had to figure out how to get myself off without letting my parents know. The thrill of the forbidden has lasted a long time.

Commercially-marketed dildoes in the form of household objects would be a hoot.

One of my favorite fantasies is to have a one-of-kind hand-made dildo, preferably a gift from an admirer. Toys like this are featured in several of my erotic stories. In one, the dildo is made of wood, carved in various bumps and swirls, painted red and heavily shellacked. In another, the dildo is carved from marble to look like a large, realistic dong.

-Jean Roberta, lesbian erotic author

Jean, it is no wonder you are an oft published author. There is a lot of creativity involved in your multi-faceted response. I promise every time I use the phrase “pervertables” I will give you credit! And stone dildos are so sculptural. The marble fantasy of yours sounds hot. The Stockroom carries a few really beautiful stone dildos. Made of granite, no less.

I am a fan of Jean’s reviews. She’s a regular on the smart and funny site, Blue Food, as well as girlphoria.com, erotica-readers.com, opheliasmuse.com, cleansheets.com, and countless lesbian erotica anthologies.