I started out the day today by receiving a most hilarious email from a friend:

"Okay, I had a freakish dream that you were dating Jennifer Aniston! And she got really possessive and mean with you so you broke up with her. Then she came to me because she was pissed that I talked you into breaking up with her. And at first she was really scary but I was saying things like, 'you must be so hurtin' right now what with your gal breaking up with you and Brad cheating on you—here, I know of a great therapist you can call.' And she was very grateful and sweet in the end. I felt really bad for her."

Wow. That immediately made me think, maybe I'd consider that silly lady if I could give her an eastside punky make-over and make her eat pizza and ice cream every day until she no longer looked like Skeletor. Then maybe. But probably not. Sorry Jennifer.

Ooh—I got a link to a new burlesque show I want to see! it's got the sultry ladies of the Velvet Hammer in it. And a fabulous Wonder Woman costume. Yowsa. The Show is called This and That. Hopefully L.A. will catch up with NYC and SF so I can see the show!

A tearful farewell this weekend my favorite club in L.A., The Parlour. Their fantastic 20s/30s night, Bricktops, will dance its last Charleston this Friday. Why must all good things come to an end? Maybe the brilliant Vaginal Cream Davis will find a new venue for Bricktops. I'm crossing my fingers and toes.

Trannyshack LA and Goth Punk Fashion Show

This last weekend was oh so very very Punk here in the City of Angels. Trannyshack, a staple of the San Francisco scene for many years, held a messy, dirty, blasphemous show right in the squeeky clean city of West Hollywood on Friday night at Fubar. Those who are ardent fans of the Arquette family—you know, Rosanna, Patricia, and David—will appreciate the florescent pretty punk little brother/sister appearance of the littlest Arquette screaming lyrics into a bullhorn while reading them off a shower curtain! There was also a very frightening "Satan Worshiper" drag queen lip synching to Nine Inch Nails and a queen singing to "I Love Dirt" while drinking mud and cigarette butts. I have to say that is the first time in history a stage performer has literally made me gag. Good clean fun!

Saturday there was a devastatingly delicious crowd at the Treehouse in Los Feliz. It's a new lezz-be-friends night complete with a butch make over contest by Phade and a Goth Golf Fashion Show! Vanessa, the designer of xkiller designs was all smiles and sweat at the end of her show. The models and the clothes were hot hot hot! I gotta get me a pair of their groovy gloves....

Sunday I brought fancy chocolate with me to watch the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I love how mean everyone is to indulgent children in this movie. The visuals were fantastic. And the chocolate was yummy.

Beat the Heat

It's that time of year in Los Angeles and around the country where it's hot. Temperature hot. Sweaty, messy, locker room hot. Bikram Yoga hot. Melt your make-up off hot.

That doesn't sound so sexy? Okay, how about Sultry, Steamy, roll around on the floor-hot? or 9 1/2 Weeks hot. Better?

Let's look on the bright side and say that the glass of ice water is half full and make the best of it. Every path has its opportunities, right? The upsides of a summer scorcher:

1. Less clothing. More curves, more body parts, less clothing to get in the way if you want to tie up that hottie. Less effort and negotiation needed to get those threads to fall to the floor.

2. Ice! So great for kinky play. Get a silly Mr. Peter Mold, and host a naughty kinky pool party with phallic ice drinks.

3. Outdoor sex. Camping sex, backyard sex, road trip sex.

4. Single? How about a summer fling? That's the stuff songs are made of!

5. Got a hottie of your very own? Turn up the air conditioning and pop a copy of the Story of O in the player and ...... get distracted (watch half of it and make your own fun).

6. Your very own private wet t-shirt contest. What prize does the winner get? You decide!

7. Water balloon fight. Maybe have a wet t-shirt contest post-water balloon fight. "Pelt the Submissive with Water Balloons" contest?

Okay, maybe my brain is a little loopy from the heat, but you get the idea. Anybody have any good hot summer stories?

These gals know how to have hot summer fun in the back yard!

Wonder Woman & Gay Sex in the 70s

I Netflix'ed (I will never rent the old fashioned way again—Netflix rules!) and joyfully watched the very first Wonder Woman episodes from the mid 1970's. Ahhhhh Wonder Woman. The most patriotic, sweet natured "rope bondage" Amazon superhero I know. How many young girls and boys on the playground emulated "scenes" from the Wonder Woman show, tying up the evil captor and forcing them to spill their guts with the magic of the lasso of truth? Did y'all know that William Moulton Marston, the polyamorous originator of my favorite super hero, also invented the systolic blood-pressure test, aka the first lie detector? I am such a Wonder Woman fan geek. Anybody have any great Wonder Woman trivia questions?
Go on.......try me.......

I also watched another great movie at the Outfest Film Festival: Gay Sex in the 70s. It's a brutally honest and erotic walk down memory lane during the most significant period of unbridled lusty man sex this century has ever seen. A big portion of the movie focuses on leather guy encounters. I loved the tales about men filling the dark trucks in lots in NYC, groping around at all hours of the night. No cover charge for dark truck parties. Those hairy 70's guys were hot! Bring on the handlebar mustaches and cut-off jeans and sideburns.

Pornocopia

I attended a great shorts program at Outfest that rarely gets shown at other festivals—full on porn! That's right! How many times does a gal get to see the naked goods 20 feet high on a big screen while sitting with a room full of hip queer women? Not often enough!

The shorts program is called Pornocopia: Girl Porn, and it delivered as promised. My favorites were the boxing/masturbation short flick called Jerking, and the Butch Plumber/ Femme Housewife fantasy called Pornograflics: Housewifey.
Of note: the big glass dildo used in the SM fantasy flick, Dominatrix Waitress. Impressive!

Happy Birthday to Joey, the super talented Stockroom Leather Designer! His latest work, the Fleece-Lined Buckling Wrist Cuffs with Scalloped Edge, are tres chic.

Heroes of the Kink World

Let's talk about Kinky Heroes. Inspirations. Role models. Let's face it: being kinky in this day and age still takes some guts, bravery and chutzpah. We all know that it wouldn't be such a thrill if it didn't. If kinkiness were easy and totally socially acceptable, it wouldn't be so sizzling hot. I know I don't have to tell you that risk is involved when it comes to being anything but vanilla. So allow me to celebrate some of the sassy, deliciously decadent players that are out there thumbing their noses at convention and normalcy:

Susie Bright. Bisexual, kinky, intellectual, famed editor of countless erotica anthologies and best selling books about sexuality in America. (She was just on Six Feet Under last Sunday!) Highlights: Her kinky chapter in her book Susie Sexpert's Lesbian Sex World, the bestselling Sexual State of the Union, and her ongoing, ever vital blog on susiebright.com. Of course, I love it when she does cameos on hot little movies like Bound.

Annie Sprinkle. Prostitute/Porn Star turned performance artist turned sex goddess and sex educator. There really should be a movie about Annie's life. And no matter whether she's clad in a corset and toe boots or covered in glitter and flowers, she's a beacon of light and optimism and a soldier of peace through Orgasm power. Author of several books, teacher of classes, performance artist, movie director, and Ph.D., this gal has done it all. My favorite is her 5 minute long orgasm captured in her instructional video, Sluts and Goddesses. It completely changed the way I thought about what a woman's body can do. Check out her newest book, Dr. Sprinkle’s Spectacular Sex: Make Over Your Love Life With One of the World’s Great Sex Experts. Also check out the vast collection of her writing, resources, and events on her website.

Dan Savage. Dan's sex advice column, Savage Love, was initially a big hit in the Seattle rag, The Stranger, and soon became syndicated all over the country and online on such sites as The Onion . No subject is too taboo for his column, and it's guaranteed to be chock-full of get-to-the-point, sassy gay male advice and opinions whether you can handle it or not! He has written three books: Savage Love, a collection of letters from his column; The Kid, relating how he and his boyfriend adopted a baby boy; and Skipping Towards Gomorrah, which describes his exploration of the seven deadly sins. There is a great entry about Dan in the informative and addictive encyclopedia site, Wikipedia.

Margaret Cho. I'm a sucker for a bad-ass comedienne. Margaret Cho, along with writing and performing extremely hilarious one woman shows (that cause me to laugh the kind of laugh that makes you snort in that goofy way), has graciously accepted the task of being an outspoken funny lady in the name of BDSM, gay rights and gay marriage. Check out her bit about going to an S&M dungeon in her show, I'm the One That I Want. I've always cheered on the folks who can manage first to entertain, then let their treasured beliefs shine through and inspire others. Margaret is another hero with a very articulate and entertaining blog.

Carol Queen. Writer of sex manuals and naughty fiction, teacher, spoken word artist, cheerleader for g-spot orgasms, real female ejaculation and role playing. Carol wrote a great book, Exhibitionism for the Shy. She's got a regular column in Spectator magazine.

Other heroes: I have mentioned these folks in earlier blogs: Midori, Robert Davolt, Steve Diet Goedde, Fairy Butch, Tristan Taormino. Oh lordy, I think I just need to make this Part One of many entries on this subject—I've got a lot more heroes to talk about. Can't stop here!

Who are your heroes?

So Fancy

I have decided today is Fancy Day, and I am dedicating this blog to all things fancy:

  · The Los Angeles Outfest Film Festival gets major BDSM brownie points (I think I just invented that—BDSM Brownie Points) for showing a positive, sexy, BDSM kinky character in their opening night movie last night. The movie is Côte D´Azur, a fancy French film, and it was a perfect film to open the festival. Breezy, naughty, funny, and very sexual, this movie did not apologize one bit for its open-mindedness about sex and polyamory, bisexuality, and BDSM proclivities. Our kinky character, a strapping, shaved headed, gay hunk, Didier, was not afraid to play the top and whip out the handcuffs. Yummy! I highly recommend this summer romp of a flick.

  · The Outfest LGBT Film festival is celebrating its 23rd year (you know there is going to be a huge party when it gets to 25!). The opening night gala was staged at the opulent Orpheum Theater. For the first time in its 23 years, the mayor opened the ceremony. Our brand new mayor, Antonio Villaraigosa, addressed a cheering, standing ovation, encouraged the festival with accolades, and of course, asked us to spend our $$ in the city of Los Angeles. Perfect.

  · One trend in sex toy fanciness that I am appreciating is the ultra deluxe high-end dildo sets. What better way to feel extra fancy than to use one of these kits? Elemental Pleasures has a line of dildos out that ranges from aircraft-grade aluminum to stainless steel to medical-grade titanium. How James Bond! How Blade Runner!…… Sleek, sci-fi, and top of the line. The other impressive kit is the Ballz Master Set. It's Sci-fi meets Tinker Toys.

(Elemental Pleasures)			(Ballz Master Set)

  · Another fancy toy set is the Violet Wand SD II set. I got to take a gander at this new kit. I really enjoyed that the one with a metal coil inside lights up an orange color in contrast to the violet color, and the cane-shaped tube with all the sparkling cut glass beads that reflect the violet wand's light. Oooooohhhhh, sparkly glowing colors……ahhhhhh……

Music as the Mood Maker

There is nothing like the right music to really heighten—or frighten—sexual adventures. It's like a bad haircut if you get it wrong. I have no patience for a bad haircut. Not an accidental bad haircut, just a bad haircut. Momma cut your hair using a bowl kind of haircut.

Of course, you can stay on the safe side if you just don't play any music at all. Sure, the sounds of cooing, the swish and crack of the whip, or whatever you have lined up for the evening, may provide enough "music" to satisfy, but it's always good to mix it up a little with some tunes.

And if you are the type who likes to set the stage—create the mood—then music is key.

One of my favorite times to use music as inspiration is when I'm getting all gussied up. Allow me to set the stage: It's a Saturday, and maybe I just spent the last couple of afternoon hours relaxing on the couch in slouchy casual wear. I'm talking about slippers, sweaters—comfort wear. I look at my watch and I realize once again that I've lost track of time and only have an hour to get my tushy off the sofa, get my ass in gear, and put together a hot outfit for the sexy evening event.

How in the world do I go from my napping-couch-kitten state to Sex Kitten? Put the needle on the record! My brain needs rattling and the music needs to be sexy to get me inspired and turned on enough to get that make-up on and slide on the stockings and the shoes and put some sass in my step.

Now, everyone's taste is different and it's all very cultural and generational and so on, so I do not expect you, all you dear readers, and I, to have matching tastes in music. But I think there are a few guidelines that may be applied to all sorts of occasions:

  1. Does your sexual adventure involve a public space? Go with the flow. Pick music that will not clash with the hearts, minds, and intentions of the event. Case in point: Two years ago I attended BondCon in Las Vegas. The convention was held at a large, echo-filled hall off the strip, and the place was crawling with latex-clad lovelies, prancing pony players, and black leather. Yes, it was a market, and held during the day, but does that excuse the Beach Boys and Christina Aguilera that were blaring over the loudspeaker? Do doms flogging high-heeled nymphettes really go with Michael Bolton? C'mon now...! Who was to blame for this atrocity? There ought to be a law!
  2. If you are in seduction mode or top-mode and want to set the scene and are bringing home a playmate for the first time, it might behoove you to try and figure out what music your playmate likes. It's a listening exercise. It's a test, really. I was brought home one evening and the seductor made the big mistake of playing Eminem. Oh no, honey. I got the immediate female equivalent of limp dick. I can't stand that guy's music. No thanks. Of course, another time a "suitor" surprised me with some delicious and passionate opera! Oh yeah, baby, that's what I'm talking about!
  3. Have some afterglow music planned, if you really want to impress. One night, close to dawn, my eyes were closing and I was drifting off into the sweet afterglow abyss, and for the first time I heard the Cowboy Junkie's Trinity Session album. It was incredible. That album sounds like the dawn. Perfect. That sweet moment will stay in my head forever.

What's your favorite seducing music? Screwing music? Afterglow music? Any humorous music disaster stories?

Celebrity Kink

Last night I had this dream that Liam Neeson was “courting” me. Liam as the guy with the funny facial hair from the newest Batman Movie.

He was courting me in the most old fashioned way—it involved hand holding and sweetly talking and innuendoes and flirting and all that jazz. In my waking life having Liam as my “beau” would never have occurred to me. No disrespect to Mr. Neeson—I am a great fan of his acting—he just isn’t my type. It was a sweet dream. But why this guy?

We can psychoanalyze dreams all we want—I will not attempt to conquer that here—but that dream got me thinking about celebrities as iconoclastic symbols of sexuality. Celebrities are the pawns and the storytellers for our collective consciousness of sexuality. Whether we want to or not—they are our reference points and guides.

Liam Neeson buffed out for the fantastic Batman movie—he was a prime example of fit male sexuality. No—no spoiler here if you haven’t seen the movie—he doesn’t kiss or romp in the sack with any nubile young actresses—but the combat scenes with Christian Bale were hot!

How about in the realm of alternative sexuality? Of course, a guy in a bat suit wearing high tech gadgets and various forms of rubber and metal has endless possibilities…

Here at the Stockroom office, over one particular period of time, our fantasy poster child, Angelina Jolie, (sigh…hearts a flutter…) was the smoldering screen saver for three women and two guys. What PR person do we have to bribe to get that siren on our catalog cover??? This gal, as we all know, is not afraid of controversy and daring, sexually charged roles—from the bisexual model in Gia, to the video game super hero, Lara Croft to the dashing aviator with the leather eyepatch in SkyCaptain and the World of Tomorrow.

Of course, there have been a few movies attempting to address the BDSM scene. One of my all time favorites is Secretary. Maggie Gyllenhaal rocks this role with subtlety, humor, and plucky sexuality. I adore her for doing this role. If you haven’t seen it yet, rent it right now!

As for the celebrity’s personal life and proclivities, I think Susie bright explained it best when she said

I lived, as an adolescent, in the Hollywood colony, and I baby-sat for some of this crowd, “the industry people.” I partied with their teenage offspring. I frequently took note that the serious shit was completely hidden. Whatever you saw in print, was the opposite in real life.

(from Susie’s Blog)

I have to agree on this one. I don’t believe any celebrity gossip. And besides, my own imagination can come up with a helluva lot more entertaining stories than any People Magazine and conjure up! Now…where did I put that Angelina Jolie photo?…

Anyone one have any random/funny/sexy/kinky dream about a celebrity lately? Let's hear about it! Please contribute by adding to the "comments" section below. Thanks!